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Oh Vanille / ova nil

by Diane Cluck

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    "Your purchase allows me to continue working as an independent musician, which I very much appreciate. Thank you ! Download of full album includes two bonus tracks ("EZ Demo" and "Gedifra"), song lyrics, high-resolution artwork from original cd-r release, plus four alternate cover drawings ( 6 images total )." --Diane

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about

“Most of this album was written during my stay at the Dorland Mountain Arts Colony in Temecula, California. I had an electricity-free cabin to myself which housed a huge, coffin-like grand piano 'once played by the great Rachmaninoff'. There was a woodstove, kerosene lamps, a manual typewriter, a high bed with an imposingly ornate wooden headboard, plenty of mice & stinkbugs and an integral 80-year-old caretaker named Robert. There was a small adobe library full of art books, a frog pond which grew sonorous by nightfall, a cell-phone tower on the property... I made friends with the dark, there. I'd lost my night vision after years of living in cities ?

Later that summer I was contacted by Todd Horton, a jazz musician in Brooklyn who'd heard some of my cd-r albums and was interested in working with me on new recordings. We met in a park and I was charmed by his rainbow-painted toenails. We recorded tracks in his house and mine over a period of several weeks. I was adamant about 'no compression' mixing and mastering at the time.

Once we'd finished the album together, I felt really unsure about it. I put it away for a few months and in early 2004, made copies for a few friends who also expressed ambivalent feelings about the songs. I went ahead and created some cover art, and about that time those same friends began telling me that the songs had started speaking to them . My friend, Matthew Lombardo, brought some of my newly-packaged cd-r versions of “Oh Vanille / ova nil” to Other Music in the East Village, where they agreed to stock the album. I sold hundreds of hand-packaged copies through their store before the album was picked up and distributed on cd by Important Records in Massachusetts.

This album has received lots of love from people all over the world.
Their response has been enormously encouraging for me !
“Oh Vanille / ova nil” was rereleased on 12” vinyl in 2010,
pressed by 3 Syllables Records in Cardiff, Wales."

www.dianecluck.info/ordering/?item=0 ( vinyl )
www.dianecluck.info/ordering/?item=3 ( cd )

--Diane

credits

released 01 March 2004

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Track Name: (preview) all i bring you is love
sun beams bright
through shades of lonely
don't you see i bring you only love ?

no matter what it looks like

count it when i beat and ride you
count it when i lie beside you

love

no matter what it looks like
all i bring you is love

though it seems i leave you hollow
know at least what end i follow

love

no matter what it looks like
all i bring you is love
all i bring you is love
Track Name: (preview) half a million miles from home
have i told you how i like to see
a man submit to ecstasy
with all his inhibitions free
and moaning like his mother ?
close his eyes and float from me
ecstatic in his buoyancy
cut loose and warm
unthinkingly adrift in beatless wonder

he's hidden down in pastures' grass
as passersby are heading past
at once unbound, the sun at last
can shine on him no hotter

he gives a welcome unto me
we blind each other, joyfully
and blind in joy, we do become
much more like sister, brother

steady home, man
i'll ride you home
and tether you tenderly by a stream
let you drink alone and dream

and i tell you i love to see
a man submit to ecstasy
with all his inhibitions free
and moaning like his mother
close his eyes and float from me
ecstatic in his buoyancy
cut loose, no harm will come to thee
adrift in beatless wonder
he's half a million miles from home
he is home
tho he's half a million miles from home, boys
half a million miles from home
he is home
tho he's half a million miles from home, boys...
Track Name: (preview) telepathic desert
did you receive this love
across the telepathic desert
switchboards are corroding
in the micro-ranging waves

did you receive this love
across the telepathic desert
a million signals singe
for every syllable that saves

today i send out love
i wonder if you will receive it
they shoot it down so often
i have watched it
and believe that if it hasn't reached your mind
and it fell short of your heart
it's still crawling through the desert floor
where scorpions and sun
scorch and sting it all apart

do not misunderstand me
i see the desert beauty
the cactus flower blooming
from the bleaching of the bones
but this used to be a river
till misappropriated
by electrical confusion
and the frying of the phones
frequencies ranging thru arcs of extra signal
yardage and miles of interfering stuff
invisible scribblings overwrite the tired air
with an ever-present static
so the traveling is rough
it stumbles over distances
but i have sent enough
the atmosphere unraveling
till you receive this love
Track Name: (preview) easy to be around
i was in the coal mine picking up diamonds
that the miners had left behind, behind, behind
and i admired their cold shine
simple & bright
and i pocketed many in the cavernous night
clear, when held up to the light

you belong to no one
you are easy to be around
cuz you belong to no one
you are easy to be around
cuz you belong to no one
you are easy to be around

and i scattered them on the ground...

in the wake of your eyes it decays
you despise any weight
and because and because
and because you give it up !
you are easy to be around
i like to walk beside you
y're so easy to be around
it's like i'm not even walking beside you
we are rolling along the ground
one shadow made of mercury
we were two till we melted down
now y're easy to be around

y're easy to be around...

i was in the coal mine picking up diamonds
so heavy i had to leave them all behind
coming up from the mineshaft
sparkling bright
see me laughing having nothing in an infinite night
clear, and dangling in the light

same as what you came with
makes you easy to be around
cuz the door remains the same width
y're so easy to be around
both forgetting what our name is
in a dance as the sun goes down

you are easy to be around
y're easy to be around
y're easy to be around
y're easy to be around
Track Name: (preview) the turnaround road
cars' three-point turns
make pentagrams in the dirt
at the end of the road
where i sit in the morning
the weeks have been hazy
but something is changing
i watch the sun
convince the weakest cloud to let it through
it said "i would have gone crooked but for you"
there's a sticky orange vine here
and it grows over everything
i don't know what they call it
i call it darling creeper
i give names to the flora
and to the fauna
most descriptive of their character to me
and there's snakes i have been warned about
there's rattlers in this roundabout
they come in from the chaparral
they corral me on the gravel now
but i like it when i'm sitting
with things around me moving
it may look like i'm brooding
like i'm getting not much done
but oh, there is a cure here
the light is very pure here
i'm gathering my strength
like a consumptive in the sun
and i would have gone crooked but for you
but for you i would have gone crooked
but for you
oh i would have gone crooked but for you
but for you i would have gone crooked...
some zen artist left his red rock garden
in the turnaround road where i sit in the morning
it gets kicked around the cul-de-sac
by those who go and double back
as if there is no thoroughfare
in absence of a beaten track
and red ants are moving
with their sick and withered comrades
and they carry the bodies of the withered in their mouths
because it is no big deal
hey what else is there to do ?
the withered one is singin' to his friend
whose mouth is full with him / hymn
i would have gone crooked but for you
but for you i would have gone crooked
but for you
oh i would have gone crooked but for you
but for you i would have gone crooked
and i don't think i even knew
until now
hey i feel steady
and i feel good
light and emptied of last night's food
there's a mountain ahead and i'm ready to go
up from the edge of the turnaround road
cars' three-point turns
make mandalas in the dirt
at the end of the road
where i sit in the morning
the weeks have been hazy
but something is changing
i watch the sun
convince the smallest cloud to let it through
it says "i would have gone crooked but for you
i would have gone crooked
but for you"
Track Name: (preview) sandy ree
[whoah, baby
sandy ree
like a hog loves corn
sandy ree
kickin' up dust
sandy ree]*
i'll live my lust
sandy ree
when you're in trouble
with the laws
that don't exist
for you at all
whoah, baby
what can i say ?
jump the line
or walk away...
oh, mama
on my side
i've fallen out
i'm feelin' idle
oh, lead in doubt / leaden doubt
oh, casted out / cast it out
but how can i get up
when i know they come with a key
their industry
they count to two
and before three
they've finished you
ohhhhhhhhhhhh
[whoah, baby
sandy ree
like a hog loves corn
sandy ree
kickin' up dust
sandy ree]*
i'll live my lust
sandy ree
when you're in trouble
with the laws
that don't exist
for you at all
whoah, baby
what can i say ?
jump the line
or walk away
jump the line !
or jump the line or walk away...

oh, lord
nothin' but god
nothin' but god in the way of itself
we are, lord, nothin' but god
but somethin' that got in the way of itself
tryin' to get out of the way of itself


*from an African-American spiritual,
creator/creatress unknown
Track Name: (preview) bones & born again
go now
into the heart
where all doubt
doubt and thoughts
and thoughts are ushered away
seems like this is the place
where i'd like--
i would like to spend the rest of my days !
things are so lush and large here
i like it here more
and you fade from me
like you know i'm dying
you fade from me
like i'm already bones & born again
things are so lush and large here
simple and drawn in big wide spaces
curvature arcs in just right
i like it here more
and you fade from me
like you know i'm dying
you fade like i'm already gone
with these thousand midwives
who nudge me onward
as you fade from me now
i'm already bones and born again
things are so lush and large here
simple and drawn in big wide spaces
curvature arcs in just right
thru layers of light in big wide canopies
who could go see then leave here ?
content in themselves with what's diminished ?
you can ignore me
i say i like it here more
and then you fade from me
cuz you know i'm dying
you fade from me
cuz i'm already gone
with these thousand midwives
who nudge me onward
as you fade from me now
i'm already born inside
inside
inside
inside
inside
inside
inside
inside
Track Name: (preview) petite roses
petite roses bend
to sniff at my ankles
pink & red roses lining the path
the flagstone path that leads to nowhere
to nowhere decided, for now
and a dog runs up
with a heart in its mouth
to posit it pulsing at my feet
blood still ushering from its valves
it shudders and gives up
one last beat
shudders and gives up one last beat
oh who am i to get this gift ?
the giver bounding off in retreat...
a dog runs up with a heart in its mouth
and drops it bloody at my feet
roses pester at my ankles
a heart lies bloody at my feet
Track Name: (preview) hold together ( let go if you will )
document slow-mo collision
note how it won't happen before its/it's time
continents shift so wide
they drift until they crash
on this world's other side
hold together
let go if you will
hold together
let go if you will
leave comfort now
unhousing and undressing
go forth with no blessing
blessed by no-one
leave at night with no light to guide you
hey once you decide to,
you'll find it's fun
hold together
let go if you will
(santa myselfa)
hold together
let go if you will
(pull my face off)
hold together
let go if you will
(keep on dancing)
hold together
or let go if you will
see--
see what ?
see what's left.
and i want to walk out
( stay in ! stay here ! here ! )
walk two, three steps
( stay in ! stay here ! here ! here! )
and now
and now
and now
and now
and now
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hold together
let go if you will
hold together
let go if you will
hold together
let go if you will
nothing cares if you hold together
so let go, if you will
see--
see what ?
see what's left.
see !
see what ?
see what's left.
Track Name: (preview) yr million sweetnesses
yr millions sweetnesses
are sometimes not enough
to keep me lapping at the floodtide of desire
this is how i walk when i have given up
do you see how free the body moves ?
the bones inside the skin are loose
and i know if i could see you
that you'd be walking like this too
marry / mary a virgin
marry / mary not-a-virgin
marry / mary someone who sold their sex to god or men
marry completely and give yourself whole-heartedly
to everything that wants you
and everything you are
i have spent time
with unspoiled birds and generous sunshine
who taught me doing nothing
and i do recall that my very best friends
were the ones who left me empty
and ready to be filled again
your million sweetnesses
are sometimes not enough
to keep me lapping at the floodtide of desire
this is how i walk when i have given up
do you see how free the body moves ?
the bones inside the skin are loose
and i know if i could see you
that you'd be walking like this too
Track Name: (preview) wild deer at dawn
look at the wild deer
tumbling out from the woods to drink the water
i count twenty-seven or so
drinking the bay from beneath our small boat
now that i've calmed down
my heart beat unsteady
but it isn't now that i've calmed down
my heart beat unsteady
but listening now
it goes beat
beat
beat
beat
look at the wild deer
tumbling out from the woods to drink by the shore
i count twenty-seven or more
the sun rises up from our oar
now that i've calmed down
my heart beats so steady
you could set your watch by me
now that i've calmed down
my heart beats so steady
you could set your watch by my beat
beat
beat
beat
beat
beat....